Life ain't Great in a swing state ....

Is there something big going on Tuesday? Oh yeah, its my birthday. Other than that, I know of nothing else going on. If something was going on I would hope I would have been called, or mailed or seen a commercial for it. Welcome to my denial. In the spirit of the election on Tuesday, I am going to do my own Pop Culture elections. Feel free to vote and comment. Like the election being held this week, please be respectful of other's opinions. I know how heated it can get to debate High School Musical 1 or High School Musical 2.  Trust me I have been on both ends.

Let’s Get Started…

Fonzie vs Potsie—I am voting for Potsie. I still have a crazy crush on Anson Williams and loved it when he sang on the show. Sure Fonzie was cool but Potsie knew how to take care of a girl. Boyfriend wore the hell out of that letter sweater.

High School Musical 1 vs High School Musical 2 – Well, first of all I purposely took HSM 3 off the ballot. I feel like Disney diluted the franchise by releasing it in theaters and not on the Disney channel.  I could write 5 blog posts on how passionately I feel about this subject. Anyhoo, my vote goes to HSM 2 just for the simple reason that my Boo got to do a solo number on the golf course and get really angsty and emotional.  This was a close vote for me because I really like the “Getcha Head in the Game” dance number in HSM 1 but the introduction of Sharpay’s gave #2 the advantage.

Britney vs. Christina--   Remember when these 2 teen queens were duking it out on the charts? My vote goes to Britney. Sure Xtina is the better singer and I appreciate that she has real women curves but Britney is the best. She has the drama, the crazy family and I was way invested into her teen romance drama with JT. I also loved how she married random people but most of all she gets my vote because she kissed Madonna and danced with a snake.

GMA vs. Today Show – This is a no brainer for me. I have been a GMA girl from day one. I think I was the only girl in 8^th grade that had a crush on David Hartman.  I cried big tears when Joan Lunden left and vowed I would never love a co-host again. Then I met Robin Roberts and was like Joan who?  I don’t like Matt Lauer and never cared for Bryant Gumbel.  I never bought into the America Sweetheart angle with Katie Couric.  Plus, GMA had Joel Siegel my movie critic hero (please don’t confuse him with Roger Ebert my critic crush—not kidding.) How could you trust a review from Gene Shalit? He has crazy hair and no fashion sense.

Tom Cruise vs. Dr. Tom Cruise – Remember the days when Dr. Tom Cruise wasn’t crazy and didn’t pretend like he knew what was best for women everywhere? My vote is for Top Gun, Jerry McGuire Tom Cruise. In my opinion he lost his way when he divorced Nicole. She would never have allowed him to jump on couches or openly proclaim his love for her.  I am confident that this will win by a landslide.

My lists could go on and on. Feel free to let me know if you have any other scenarios. 

My Secret Shame: My Mom is Obsessed with High School Musical and buys mini bottles of Pinot Grigio

How are my kids supposed to learn about the dangers of hitchhiking and the specifics of STDs without Afterschool specials to teach them? You are a true child of the 70’s and 80’s if you remember the specials that would air once a month on ABC.  They almost always starred Melissa Sue Anderson (Mary from Little House on the Prairie) and they always gave an informational and educational explanation on taboo topics that I wouldn't dream of talking to my parents about. I lament the loss of those little gems. The Disney channel or Nick wouldn't dare air movies that explained such hot button topics. Can you imagine the outrage if Zach or Cody knocked somebody up? Or if Alex Russo had an itch that just wouldn't go away?  Disney wouldn't even air the episode when Oliver from Hannah Montana was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to my trusty IMDB and found a list of every episode ever filmed. Here are some of my personal faves:

My Dad lives in a downtown hotel

Me and Dad’s new Wife

Mom and Dad can’t hear me

A Home Run for Love

School boy Father

Bonnie Raitt has Something to Talk About—This one both intrigued and repelled me. If you are a teenager do you really want to see Whoppi Goldberg talk to Bonnie Raitt about being a middle aged musician and song writer?  I can’t imagine this being a hit with the teens. (Editor note: I had a day to think about this and I realized I was the nerdy teenager that would have watched that show because I liked the song “Nick of Time.” I was listening to the “Yentl” soundtrack when my classmates in school were jamming out to the “Flashdance” soundtrack.)

Daddy, I am their mother now

I am going to be honest I have been creating 2012 Afterschool special ideas all day in my head and cracking myself up. I am to afraid to post them lest I offend my 28 followers so send me a message me if you want my titles. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Their kind of salty….

Lastly, I saw the “One More Night Video” at the gym again for the 1,312 time and I realized that the guys at the boxing match are Adam Levine band mates. I had that epiphany and then started looking at Adam boxing again.

Brushes with Greatness….

I am not going to lie. I am a superficial celebrity watcher and obsessed with celebrities. If you were looking for a spiritual or meaningful blog you might want to look elsewhere.

 

I recently saw Morgan Fairchild on a t.v. show and I had a flashback to when I worked at the Cincinnati Zoo. She came to the zoo on a promotional tour for Purina Cat Food. I was an intern and had the job of helping to shepherd around the Zoo in a golf cart.  This was in the early 90’s and Morgan was not as relevant as she was in the 80’s.  The first thing she said to me after she got on the cart was that, “you needed to keep the children away from me.”  I wasn’t sure if this was a court ordered thing or if she didn’t like the wee ones it ultimately didn’t matter because no one knew who she was.  She was okay and traveled with her Italian “hairstylist” who said such crazy things like, “The stress doesn’t show on your hair.” Not kidding at all. It was fascinating to watch her face because even at that time you could bounce a quarter off of it.  From the looks of it the other night she has had even more work done if that is humanly possible. When we drove her back to her limo we kept hitting the bumps and she would squeal. She was talking non-stop about her QVC line.

I also had the privilege of standing next to Joey Buttafuco at a Concierge Desk in Orange County. He came in wearing snake skinned boots. I recognized that smug face anywhere and when he stood next to me I kept coughing in my hand “pervert.” I had to physically stop myself from saying to him in my Amy Fisher Long Island voice, “Joey when you coming overrr!!!” I also wanted to desperately ask him if he liked the Drew Barrymore t.v. movie with one of the Baldwin brothers that isn’t Alec playing him.

At Fox, I had the opportunity to meet several legit celebrities. Randy Jackson called me Dawg and let me grill him about the girl (name escapes me) who got voted off the night before. He looks so tiny in real life. Davy Jones wished me a happy 40^th birthday but wouldn’t say “Flip side” to me when I asked him too. His 22 year old wife kept staring me fearful that I would take away her cash cow. Candace Cameron was very unfriendly and didn’t like it at all when I kept calling her DJ Tanner and her publicist asked me not to call her that.  I met her at a time when we watched an hour of “Full House” a day on DVR.  I took it personally and told her that there were a lot of worse things to be known for.  I am pretty sure her security team has my picture as a person of danger. I banned “Full House” from our home that day and just for good measure put a squash on any recordings of “Growing Pains” because her brother starred in it.

The best brush came when Natasha Bedingfield came to FOX one morning. I had her album and loved the song “Unwritten” so much that I had it as my ringtone.  When she came in, my Dad called me on his phone so she could hear the song. She grabbed my hands and danced with me. She was a good sport and even let me ramble on for about 20 minutes about how “Unwritten” inspired me to lose weight and look at life in a different way. I vaguely remember getting teary and her comforting me. She got me two tickets to her show that night at Bogart’s and asked her manager “if he had tickets for her new friend.”  She then had me program the song “Unwritten” into her assistant’s phone so she could have it as her ringtone. It was an awesome experience.  I am not sure if this next one qualifies as a brush but celebrity stylist to the star “Ricci DeMartino” came to Fox to do a Mommy makeover segment. They needed a Mom to make over and of course my face came to mind. Ricci at the time was doing Patricia Heaton’s clothes for some sitcom she was on FOX.  I was so pumped to do it until I saw the clothes. They dressed me in Dockers (they were sponsoring DeMartino’s tour) that were basically hideous.  But sweet Ricci put me in Patrica’s Heaton’s personal TOD boots. Apparently we wear the same size.  It was magical to be Debra Barone for one brief minute. He asked me not to tell anyone that I did that. Since that was back in 2007, I am going to assume that the statue of limitations has passed.

Thanks for reading and if you have time make a comment. It is freaking me out that only my Atlanta possee has commented. It makes me think that only people outside the tri-state area can comment.

 

 

Moxie Crimefighter vs. Penn Jillette

Na Na Na what's my name?

I have uncovered another form of Celebrity Privilege. It came to light today when I read that Drew Barrymore had a baby girl. She named her Olive. It’s like she couldn't just use the name Olivia.  I don’t know anyone named Olive except for Olive Oyl.  I then had what Oprah calls an “aha” moment! I realized that celebrities don’t have to use baby books like we do. They can make up their own damn names. The outlandish the better.  Reece Witherspoon named her son Tennessee. Like after the state.  I wondered if she thought if I have a son, I am going to name him after the state of Tennessee that is so beautifully immortalized in the eloquent song “Rocky Top.” I fear for him when he is on the playground in a few years. Wait a minute, let me change that. I fear for him when he goes to his first preschool Pilate’s class. Kids can be so cruel. I also fear for the following children:

Apple—I think Gwynie named her after the only thing she eats that isn't macrobiotic. Don't forget she is smarter than the rest of us. Just ask her. She will tell you.

Pilot Inspektor – This is the moniker that Jason Lee (My Name is Earl) gave his son. Can you imagine being saddled with that name? It’s like they were mad at him from birth and wanted him to know it for his entire life.  He might as well just get a job at the airlines because everyone is already going to think that he is an aviation inspector.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz- It is bad enough that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz from "Fall Out Boy" were allowed to reproduce but to name their son after a Disney cartoon is a recipe for a disaster. Hasn't the child suffered enough having Jessica Simpson as an Aunt. I hope that he is strong because he is going to need it for a multitude of reasons.

The worst celebrity child’s name ever though is Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette.  Yes, you read that right. I never understood what made Penn and Teller funny and I sure as hell don’t know why he saddled his child with that name.  When she is old enough, I hope that she can call child services and report that form of child abuse or better yet go to the courthouse to change her name to Ann Jones. Who looks at a beautiful baby girl and thinks I am going to name her Moxie CrimeFighter so she can be ridiculed her whole entire life. If that isn't abuse I don’t know what is.

http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/2009/06/moxie-crimefighter-jillette-gets-96.html

This story doesn't have anything to do with outlandish celebrity names but when I was in the hospital having Vivian the nurse asked me if I named her after Julia Robert’s character in “Pretty Woman.” I couldn't believe that she would think that I would name her after a Sunset Strip hooker. She only cleared $3,000 from Richard Gere (As I type that I realized with the new wardrobe she probably cleared $10,000 when all was said and done.) I digress. I would at least name her after a high class hooker. I’m fancy like that. By the way, it was my Grandma’s name.

Lastly, when I was at Fox19, I met George Clooney’s parents. I proudly ran to my phone to show Nick a picture of my “George.” He indulged my craziness and commented on his cuteness. I then felt the need to tell him that my George wasn't named after his George but after my father and brother. I could seriously see him in his mind dial George to put me on his restraining order list.

Random Musings

 

I have been trying to come up with another blog post and all I could come up with is random thoughts.  I didn’t want to lose my 20 followers so here it is….

 Thank you Bravo TV for bringing back the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on November 5, 2012. It is one day before my birthday and I say thank you for that gift.

I went and saw “The Master” this weekend and I have come to the conclusion that I am not mentally developed enough to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman movies. It has become clear to me that I can’t follow and understand his films. From this day forward, he will have to continue his career without my help. I am sure right now he is crying over the enormous loss. There was a woman in the theater who was clearly in my development percentile because when the lights came on she said loudly, “Somebody want to tell me what that was about?” She didn’t want to be friend. I asked.

I learned an important lesson over the weekend. Just because you are friends with someone on Facebook it doesn’t mean that you warrant a hello when they see you in public. Message delivered and received.

Dina Lohan is my new personal idol (funny spell check wanted to write it as idiot) because she did something that I always wanted to do flip off Dr.Phil. Of all the great things Oprah has done for the world I think she screwed up royally when she gave him a platform for his “wisdom.” Please if you see me in public don’t bring this up unless you want a 50 minute conversation. You have been warned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM1o7Hj-jAk

Oh yeah, you know the sharks at the Zoo that has the fish hanging on its mouth? That is Dr.Phil’s wife Robin at the end of the show when he drags her off the stage. Seriously, why is she still watching that crap from the audience?

I have no worries that Seacrest will see my FB posts and threaten me legally or pull a restraining order. I am no threat to him. If I ever met him face to face, I would mess his hair up and say, “How does it feel to be the new face of Terrorism now that Bin Laden” is gone.  Mark my words people.

I am obsessed with the Maroon 5 video “One More Night.” I feel sorry for his band mates (as much as I can for rich rock stars) because it really should be called the “Adam Levine pays our bills band” because he really is the main attraction. I couldn’t pick his band out in a line-up. Back to the video, I was at the gym when they showed the video on t.v. and it was brilliant that they had him pick up a baby and play with her. Could that be any hotter? At the end of the video, the chick leaves him in an empty apartment alone. She takes the baby with her. Stupid bitch.  IF you really want to punish him, leave the baby. Oh, wait a minute, if she did that he would get more chicks.  I clearly have invested a lot of time in this video. As I was preparing the link, I watched it for 7,000th time. She really could have given him one more night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwK7ggA3-bU

I am obsessed with the show Castle. How come I have never watched this show earlier? I came across this gem one day and am now obsessed with it. I love Nathan Fillion and remember when he was on One Live to Live. I still don’t understand how he is legally able to work for the NYPD. I am also not sure if I would want him to solve my murder.

A sinking ship, a speeding bus and a porn star

I love  going to the movies and buying snowcaps and sitting down in a chair that may or may not have bedbugs and being with strangers and sharing a filmatic (is that a word?) experience.  A few stand out above others:

Speed- I saw it with a bunch of bus driver and they were the best audience EVER! They were so into it and they would talk aloud to the screen about what was or wasn't possible. Who knew that Metro buses can only go over 55? Now I know because the guy next to me told me repeatedly. The scene where the bus jumps over the half-finished bridge? I thought the crowd was going to bust. Hands down the best audience I have ever been a part of.

Titanic- I saw it the weekend it opened and I had to sneak in to see it. Tip-- If they tell you that a movie is sold out. It isn't. They go on the premise that no one will sit in the first two rows. You could hear a pin drop in the theater for the last hour. When the lights came up everyone walked out emotionally spent. I cried because Leo was dead. My sister cried because dogs were on the Titanic too.

Boogie Nights- A gay couple sat in front of me during the movie and when Marky Mark did the big reveal at the end, they both started giggling and one of them dropped his popcorn. It was awesome!

 

 

My Joe Simpson

I really wanted to call this blog Sally Kolks M.D. The M.D. would stand for media dominated but blogger wouldn't let me. So for now this is the title. Please don't confuse it with the title of my autiobiography, "Life is Too Short to Wear Tight Pants." I won't publish it until I sell the film rights. Okay, enough fooling around its time to get to business. Writing a blog has been an idea of mine for awhile and it wasn't until my Fox gig ended that I finally got the push I needed.  The beauty of this is that I can say whatever I want and don't have to keep it to a 2 minute segment. I can also talk not just about my first love movies, but I can also talk about all things MEDIA!!! Like Taylor Swift dating an 18 year old, like my love for Slyvester Stallone that I have kept hidden for 42 years and my obsession with cheesy Maroon 5 videos and my personal favorite question of all time-- Where were you when Susan Lucci won the daytime emmy. So I am going to make a concerted effort to update this blog with all of my media musings. You were warned.

Since this is my inagural post, it only seemed natural that I call it after my biggest fan in life, my father George. He was the one who called me one crazy morning in 2006 and encouraged me to go for Movie Mom. It was later changed to Mom at the Movies to avoid a lawsuit. He helped me make an audition tape and was probably happier than me when I called to tell him that I had got the gig. For the first year, he would accompany me to every appearance and in all honesty he had tears in his eyes for about 90% of them. He dvr'd every segment and called me on my way home from downtown. He loved that he helped one of his children achieve their dreams and he knew mine was to talk about movies and media . I jokingly called him my "Joe Simpson" because he liked to manage my so called "career." He's still doing it now, he just has a better seat.